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The Language Barrier

April 2018 submission for CT Working Moms 
These days, most of my time is divided between wishing my toddler would talk more, and silently willing nearly everyone else to shut the f*ck up.  You see, my beautiful, bright, sweet little boy has a speech delay – which, while both common and curable, is not without its own set of trials and tribulations.  As with all things involving parenting and child development, the causes and treatments of delayed speech are subject to much speculation and debate.  No two parents’ approaches, clinicians’ assessments, or children’s experiences are likely to be identical, so while I am interested in the experiences of others, I do not subscribe to the notion that there is only one “right” way to address the issue at hand. Input I have gotten from teachers and a pediatrician with regards to T’s speech has been focused primarily on meeting developmental milestones, and getting him to the same level as kids his age in (pre-)school.  My main concern, however,…
Recent posts

You've come a long way, Baby

Four years ago last night, I had a lot on my mind.  The snowy Monday two days prior, I’d lugged my 36-weeks-pregnant self to New Haven for a few tests at Yale.  Throughout the third trimester, I’d been plagued by extremely high blood pressure and frequent contractions so intense they caused me to drop whatever I might be holding, so I could press the wall with one hand and my beach ball of a belly with the other. As it turned out, I had graduated from PIH to Preeclampsia with significantly impaired kidney function, so instead of going home, I was hustled from the OB-Gyn’s office to the hospital and admitted for an induction.  During the subsequent 48 hours: shifts changed, contraction frequency increased, epidurals were attempted, supplementary oxygen was added… but not a whole lot of progress was made.  Perhaps already demonstrating similarity to his mother, no doctors, nurses, midwives, prayers, potions or lotions were going to convince my baby to show up any earlier. On the morning o…

Brimming with Potential

Jan 5 submission for CT Working Moms

Every mother is convinced her child is exceptional.  The difference between me and other mothers, however, is that I have supporting data to back it up.  My son has demonstrated extraordinary ability in multiple areas of specialty, proving himself a viable candidate for the following careers:

Personal Fitness Trainer: Repeat signature sequence for approximately 8 hours daily to achieve optimum results:
-run while screaming
-zigzag around obstacles left haphazardly on the floor
-hop on one foot (swear, remove lego embedded in sole of foot
-squat (pick up Duplo lego)
-dive over couch (catch family heirloom before it hits the floor and shatters)
-collapse briefly Office Manager: Proficient with all operating systems, Mac and PC computers, as well as office equipment such as printers, copiers, and fax machines.
IT Specialist: Able to unlock all devices ranging from the hand-held to tablets, desk and laptop computers. Piano Virtuoso: Performs original compositions…

Judgment freeze, if you please

October 2017 Submission for CT Working Moms

Several months ago, I found myself on an elevator with someone I know (albeit peripherally) through my job.  In between floors, we exchanged pleasantries, and established that she liked my boots and I loved her handbag.  As the elevator approached ground level, we repositioned ourselves to make room for a woman with a stroller to turn around.  My acquaintance turned sideways, and peeking out above the chic scarf knotted at her neck were a chain of bruises.  They appeared to be in several stages of healing, with swelling visible from below her ear right up under her chin. The elevator doors opened, she waved goodbye, and I felt a wave of nausea.  What could have caused those bruises, except something or someone grabbing her neck?  She had kids, were they and was she safe at home?  I jogged down the hall after her, catching up just outside the automatic door at the front of the building.  “Listen,” I said, as I scribbled my address and phone num…

5 Truths and a Lie - Parenting Edition

Published August 2017 in CT Working Moms
“It takes a village.”
“The days are long, but the years are short.”
“He’ll grow out of it.”
“Life will never be the same.”
“Enjoy the little things. One day you’ll realize they were the big things.”
“Boys will be boys.”

It takes a village: Perhaps not a village, but at least an army. In my case: A hands-on husband, doting grandparents, fabulously kind and reliable nanny, and flexible boss. Not to mention speech therapist, mom-friend support and guidance, housecall pediatrician, dog-walker for the canine children. Big shoutout to Netflix and YouTube, without which I would not have completed a solo shower in 3+ years. Truth

The days are long, but the years are short: Ever gotten snowed in with small children? It starts off so magically. Crafts, hot chocolate, maybe a little family baking while home and garden are buried under a fluffy duvet of snow. 5 hours in, one kid is crying because you won’t let her stay outside and get frostbite, the other kid neve…


June 2017 submission for CT Working Moms:

When I was sixteen years old, a series of poor choices resulted in my arrest.  The punishment designated by the court was 100 hours of community service, overseen by Reverend William T. Federici of First Congregational Church.  Unphased and unrepentant, I showed up (late, of course) for my first day of service straight from the beach: barefoot, sand covered, and bathing suit clad.  Rev. Federici said not a word about what brought me to his office.  He insisted that I call him Bill or Billy, and set about drawing me a diagram detailing the direct connection between the mind and the heart.  He explained something called “the heart of the perfection of wisdom,” and advised that I needed not just to open, but to empty my mind of the negative thoughts living rent-free in there.  For a disaffected teenager, it was quite a concept. That summer, Billy turned an angry teenager’s world upside down. To my adolescent surprise, I discovered I liked him not b…

The Three-day Potty Training Method (is full of crap)

May 2017 submission for CT Working Moms

What the book says: Potty training can be crappy.  But it doesn’t have to be.
Reality:  Crap. Everywhere. What the book says: It will be fun.  It will be worth it.  It’s only 3 days, you’ve got this!
Reality: It will be hell.  You will question everything including what you have done karmically to earn this. What the book says: You and your child will remain inside the house for three days, during which time he will be naked.
Reality: Your naked child will spend three days trying desperately to escape your house.
What the book says: Once you find a high-value reward, the rest is a breeze!
Reality: You will discover that orange skittles are toddler potty-training crack.  You will also discover that if you give aforementioned child enough of them, you will be cleaning up poop *and* bright orange vomit from your floors. What the book says: Potty-training has a significant effect on the development of your child’s personality.
Reality: If you spend enough tim…